the first manifesto

1. A relationship cannot be content with only sitting on the edge. No ship can sail if the people involved sit timidly or half-heartedly on the edge, side or corner, or if they just pretend to sit. Even if it is a bayonet that you are going to sit on, you have to sit down fully.

2. An unwet relationship is unthinkable.

3. In reality there is no such thing as a relationship; everything is a lie. Two people can keep each other alive only to the degree they don't mess with each other. The fiction of going through changes together is an asinine legacy of the Middle Ages.

4. If it's not working out, don't force it: there are other and just as meaningless things to do than putting sugar on a tasteless slice of melon, but finding them is difficult.

5. Everyone has the right to eat shit instead of a tasteless slice of melon.

6. Do not forget that the shadow of the notches in the wall will be deep and get deeper as time goes on.

7. Words unsaid have a habit of getting heavier.

8. It is an unquestionable fact that everyone needs some darkness of one's own.

9. There is no such thing as a fact in a relationship. It follows that you can't know how much it weighs.

10. Lawyers and policemen are doomed to fail in their attempt to bring love under the jurisdiction of property laws.

11. Bodies take their time to get used to each other. The same is true for brains as well. Small blue demons will attend to this issue.

12. Each new day brings on an advance in the art of giving pain. The aim of every relationship is to strive to perfect this art form.

13. Everyone has walls. Every wall has breaches. Honesty in a relationship is directly proportional to the accuracy of the maps couples exchange, which show these breaches. The constant of proportionality is 1.7.

14. Please do not urinate on walls.

15. Everyone has the right to get bored of being a doormat.

16. To wait is not a virtue but a form of helplessness.

17. On a basic level, people are alone. Nothing can be said with any certainty for the upper levels.

18. Solitude cannot be shared. If it is, it loses its point.

19. In the long run, it is sheer utopia that the one who wakes up first prepares breakfast.

20. In the long run we are all alive.

21. If you can get bored on your own, work on this talent.

22. In reality there is such a thing as a relationship. The fact that everything is a lie changes nothing. Love is a possibility in every relationship. Life too is a possibility in every relationship. Therefore, although we do not know for certain what love is, life is love. This article does not contradict article 3.

23. Mopping up the other's shit does not prove the existence of love. Mopping up the other's love proves the existence of shit.

24. Metal fatigue is something like a screwed bolt or a bent sheet of metal getting tired after a while and snapping. In a similar vein one can talk of relationship fatigue.

25. You don't WORK at a relationship. You don't get paid by the hour, nor are there any bonuses. Take your work ethic and stick it up your ass.

26. Simultaneity is impossible to achieve in relationships. The fact that there is one mountain out there doesn't change the fact that you see different things from different angles.

27. Dreams are as important as memories, and have to be taken heed of.

28. Everybody is obliged to create and sustain his own legend. Only in the presence of individual legends does it become possible to create a common legend for the relationship.

29. Language must be the last means to use in communication. It may seem like a contradiction, but you do have to talk with each other. This in no way precludes the importance of sniffing and telepathy.

30. The fact that the road is narrow and long does not mean you have to travel down it day and night.

31. The end of a relationship is determined at the outset.

32. If a relationship can end, it will.

33. The fact that this is the first manifesto does not mean there will not be a second one.