Advice from Angel the series: Season 4
Deep Down:
Happy moments are always spoiled by those 'darn kids.'
Underwater hallucinations are a bitch.
Tasers work on everybody.
'Polishing your axe' sounds dirty. Despite all good intentions.
With the right connections one can get an excellent cage to fit any place.
'Let's go for a ride' is sometimes not a euphemism for sex. It might mean that you, captive of a stubbled ex-Watcher, are going for a boat ride.
Don't hit the nice man piloting the boat. He'll take away your bucket.
Some kids sulk in their rooms, others jump off buildings.
Innocuous beginnings aside, head-trips end badly.
Awakening:
There are few things sexier than a rogue demon hunter going about his business.
Reading about a mass murderer does not give one advantage- just a degree in big heavy books.
To evil, everything is funny. Even being in a cage. Especially being in a cage.
Shaman: an individual who performs mysterious magical rites. They come with fun accessories- electrical storm shaman, hallucinatory shaman, and a new line yet to be revealed. Comes in an array of colors. Alliances and spooky voice not included.
A vampire whose last major project was sucking the world into Hell is not going to be very motivated to help the forces of good.
One never 'needs' a mass murderer. If the plan calls for consultation with anyone who has 'wreaked havoc'- reconsider the plan.
Evil has a plan. In fact it has an agenda. Sometimes even a palm pilot.
Office furniture comes with all sorts of extra features nowadays.
Magic does not solve all problems. Though it does put an attractive gloss on everything.
Evil will win because good is stupid, posturing, or stoned. Or, some combination of all three.
When in doubt of a Big Bad's plan- consult another mass murderer. They of course are ready and willing to help you in any way.
Being immortal does not give one license to let hair and moustache go unattended. Those guilty of such an offense should be made aware that they resembled sheepdogs during these apparent fits of lunacy.
Soulless:
Hero worship has its place, an interrogation is not one of them.
It's rarely wise to 'just borrow' a soul.
Never trust anyone with whom the word 'terrorized' has been associated.
One is always unprepared to face a legendary psychopath.
It's hard to listen to the truth.
Evil is intelligent and focused.
Villains are rarely interested in teamwork.
Passing out means one won't hear catchy banishment incantations.
Being in a cage doesn't mean that the sadist is helpless.
Not having leverage over a prisoner is equivalent to them being able to walk free.
The insights of a villain can be felt even when they aren't in the room.
Teenage boys like to sulk, rebel, wear their father's clothes, and make dates for ass-kicking with their demonic sires.
Screwing your mother-figure and trying to kill your father is an indication of mental imbalance.
There is a play in the bizarre triangle of Father/Mother/Son.
Kids don't listen.
A villain is always several steps ahead of the heroes.
Murder scenes are icky.
Always bring back souvenirs- no matter the field trip destination.
Prussian girls like their pastries. The soldiers, not so much.
'Big hard thing,' is another name for that cleverly named 'Beast' running about annoying everyone.
Cages are by and large, unfurnished, but they do have decent acoustics.
There *is* no cage.
Those pesky souls just don't stay put.
A soul looks 'all floaty.'
Don't make promises unless you're going to keep them.
Soul or no soul- blood is blood.
It is not 'okay' to covet another man's girlfriend.
No girl comes with a deed.
Possessiveness inevitably leads to unpleasant confrontations.
Vampires have *really* good hearing.
It's hard to have a relationship when there's an apocalypse approaching.
Don't be coy about your intentions with a demon. They'll know what's really on your mind.
Demons can keep secrets, it's just that they're selective about what's unsaid.
Sometimes you don't have to kill anyone to get a drink.
Saying 'no' doesn't always go unchallenged.
Sometimes they just ask once.
Having a lot in common does not mean an alliance will be formed.
Women trouble can involve cloaked priestesses.
Songs about 'the woods at night,' and 'surprises' don't end happily.
The closer one is to a cage, the more likely an uncomfortable incident.
Demons are, as a rule, mean. This should not come as a shock.
Make a demon feel loved, remove their soul.
If the predator takes time to play with you, there is some reason- you might even have some role other than 'meal.'
Calvary:
Must acquire better guards.
When the shaman tells you you're screwed, be warned.
Try playing up the awe and reverence.
Bringing on permanent midnight deserves props.
Some organizations aren't bad enough.
Maybe we can work something out.
Not everyone is good at lying.
Everything isn't always enough.
Having luck doesn't mean it's *good*.
Big magic, taking away a Champion's soul. Makes ripples.
Great minds aren't foolish enough to release a mass murderer.
There are many reasons certain couples wouldn't have worked out.
Local copies don't have all the relevant passages.
References to a powerful evil are prone to just vanishing.
The big rock doesn't have minions.
The Beast has a boss.
How does good survive so long being so retarded?
Those with brains will connect the pieces.
A guy with a head made of rock getting smarter is about as likely as a vampire growing wings and fluttering out of a locked cage.
These days people are tying to expand their horizons. Some would prefer those who play to their strengths.
There's not a lot of luck going around.
Banging an evil lawyer for six months can take the shine off perfection.
Believe in what you are.
Breaking up with your boyfriend means a new hairdo.
The upside of being in it for yourself is you always end up on the winning team.
Using black magic for soul restoration never goes well.
Occasionally the caged killer *is* the only one paying attention.
Even singing karaoke for a demon who can 'read' you isn't foolproof.
Since when is locking up the leader the best for the group?
Since when do visions come with guarantees?
Make some coffee, earn your keep.
Not everybody wants their dad to have a soul.
Take the shot. Any shot you can get.
There's no fun shooting a fish in a barrel.
Those evil geniuses, get you every time.
Being ready to let a villain out of a cage gets one a ten-second head start.
One tends to wonder about the point of it all, especially when about to die.
A shortage of people makes a vampire cranky.
If the choice of culprits is a vampire or Seer, it is nearly certain that the blood-drinker will be blamed rather than the woman with a knife.
Salvage:A dead lawyer is no fun.
Sometimes it isn't what it looks like. Really.
Reckless thinking is what allows a vampire to double back on his pursuers.
If a vampire wants in nothing's going to stop him.
Heroes rely way too much on that magic junk.
Use whatever tools you have.
The sooner you stop playing with magic tricks the sooner you can find and kill the vampire. (And what's important is that you believe you have a chance in hell. But keep repeating 'I think I can' It's better than panicking at any rate.)
Who'd be crazy enough to try and take out a Slayer?
Hallucinations are rarely helpful.
Home security spells are a good thing.
Some individuals don't like being kept in the dark- figuratively.
Everyone puts on their victim's skin one leg at a time.
Everyone wants a piece of you.
Sometimes there isn't time for autographs.
Fans = annoying.
You need patience.
If the vampire doesn't come around you can pull off his head and tear him to bits.
They'll fill in the blanks because they need you.
When a mass murderer is on the loose there isn't time for paperwork.
They didn't design the prison system with Slayers in mind.
When putting a lot of yourself in a weapon- don't leave it lying around where anyone can find it.
The most unlikely champions often wear leather.
Evisceration at a later date- still bad.
Release:
Slayers are tough.
Fighting a Beast leaves you a little sticky.
The big power often uses a voice over.
Don't preach to the guy who ate the choir.
Keeping a baby a secret during a crisis is not a good thing.
Babies should not grow like weeds.
Boys are stupid.
For some- shots of Tequila are more their style.
It doesn't hurt to be prepared.
Some people are always going to be in the middle
Shouting inside someone's head isn't impressive. Headache-inducing yes.
Evil precludes friendship.
One way to make the pain stop is to hurt someone else. Of course, this is not recommended. There is always alcohol. Or therapy.
Orpheus:
Drugging your blood is impolite but effective.
Blood loss is a bad thing.
If your ex-watcher calls, you come running.
Steel shackles and leg irons are a must.
Bite wounds are not a friendly thing.
Taking a sabbatical from sense is a no-no.
Being different is suspicious.
Hormones do not explain super strength.
Some kids need to grow some sense.
Teenage boys are slobbering puppies, no matter what kind of Hell dimension they grew up in.
Slayer cracks her whip and the boys snap to.
Orpheus- mystical opiate + biting = serious psychedelic.
There'll be a wind theme.
Rescuing puppies is a painful thing to watch.
Reliving your soul's good deeds is Hell.
Being Marley's ghost is a crappy way to spend a trip down memory lane.
You need a witch.
The sneer is genetic.
Yammering- adorable.
Geeks are cute.
Smart girls are *really* sexy. (You know you want to just lick them).
Keep knives close by. Under the comforter is good.
Power ballads. Evil.
It's glass- therefore crunchable.
Good things come in jars. Peanut butter, jelly, two headed fetal pigs.
Everybody loves fetal pigs.
It does seem like some people have given into the grumpy side of the Force.
Keeping a woman in your closet is evil. Dark even.
One might ask: Does the guy have to pay for everything? If he's a vampire with a soul, yes. If he looks yummy suffering and in chains- loss of shirt being a plus- hell yes.
Being slow on the draw = dinner.
Dinner by armed robbery. Convenient. But it leads to guilt.
Do you know how good that blurry line tastes?
Smelling on rats for a few decades wears. Also. Ew.
Everyone needs a marble o' doom.
Huge floaty head not enough to scare them.
Never take your eyes off that soul-in-a-jar. Someone will break it- and then where are you?
Dying is a lot easier than redemption,
One does regrettable things even with a soul. Anything having to do with Manilow is up near the top of the list.
There is a time when risk outweighs reward.
Everything's funnier in Latin.
Your time is never over. You pay for everything.
We can't have hugging.
Kicking the crap out of junior is pretty funny.
Getting a Slayer out of the deal makes you Even Steven.
Save the speech.
A tacky new wardrobe is definitely cause for alarm. Anything incredibley swishy cannot be of the good.
Players:
If your would-be girlfriend slept with your son- chances are the grandkid will be something other than human.
Everything happens for a reasons.
Not even a tingle is bad.
Demon pregnancy. Ew.
Little baby parts moving under the skin is creepy.
Pronouncements of 'you'll see' rarely mean happy times.
If you have a history of demonic pregnancy- be wary of coming to term within a few weeks.
Thieves can appear out of nowhere.
Getting struck by lightening ruins those special moments.
Stop acting shifty.
The way to guarantee a second look is acting nervous.
A trench coat is a dead giveaway.
Whoosh turns into pop.
Vampires have very good hearing.
At least the evil lawyer wasn't killed by the evil vampire. That's something.
Careful what you wish for.
The tacky outfit is still just that.
Watch the boy try and get a clue.
Retreating to the Fortress of Solitude doesn't mean you don't care.
Teenagers- still thick.
A scar for every town- some souvenirs.
Being trapped in a turgid supernatural soap opera is not good.
Never mention 'getting out' of the bad guy's stronghold until you're oh, all the way out the door and safe.
The gesture is always appreciated.
Reality's disturbing enough.
Things happen.
When you're alienated from the people you care about you start looking other places.
An analogy has many applications.
18th century jades doesn't just fall off trucks.
Making it up as you go along is a bad idea when you're a deluded sort of evil.
It feels good to do good.
Doing good can hurt.
Knocking over pottery- one hell of a distraction.
Don't make the nice man get your lame-ass blood all over his sweet suit.
Two things make a good thief- steal what you're paid to steal, and don't as too many questions.
Don't hove over the vampire trying to recreate the text.
The black cloak is not just a fashion statement.
A lean, green, belly-reading machine is good for the white hats, bad for obviously evil lady.
No need to get juvenile about a LISA.
Electrocuting the very powerful man and his lackies- v. bad.
Don't knock the muscle.
The muscle makes the girls go knocky in the knees.
Touch is a big deal.
Don't creep up on the demon during a private ceremony.
Magic * balls tell the truth.
Bad girls get caught.
Good isn't always dumb.
Inside Out:
Shiny Happy People:
Rest now- after unleashing a horrible evil upon the world you've earned it.
Being a mindless disciple of an evil power *ooh shiny pretty lay* doesn't leave much time for methodical examination of the evidence.
Feeling life is a joy.
One does tend to let the housekeeping slide during an apocalypta-lite.
All the to-ing and fro-ing makes a demon edgy-er.
There's been an awful lot of dismembering going on in the basement. It's been a busy month.
Skipping a groove is confusing.
Picking a horrible, evil, awful person as a vessel doesn't do much in the way of camouflage.
By 'it' you mean the baby, hellspawn, whatever.
Some folks take exception to questions about horns.
We're not talking about baby evil.
Not green, kinda mocha.
No killing- since everyone has been saved.
Going nuts helps one relate better.
Dopey smiles all around....
Flatter them...that helps the minions adjust to being brainless.
Big evil works towards buddy reconciliation- clearly it has some sense.
Yellow is a cheerful color. If someone who broods and likes the dark suddenly dons a shirt that can be thought of as 'an Easter color', think brainwashing.
The crazy ones can see through the lies.
Tomorrow will be easier than today.