Advice from Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season 7:
Potential:
Vampire does not equal
a) boyfriend material
b) fluffy teaching aide
c) consultant to the insight challenged.
Slayers in Training are annoying.
Carpenters can fix more than one might think.
Killer in me:
Malfunctioning technology is usually painful. The bad kind.
Those SITs who leave their notebooks lying around should be smacked.
Missing out on a group-chanting-First Slayer-session for a date is a risky maneuver.
Former friends who can vanish suddenly will reappear at the oddest times.
A hex is a bad thing.
Nobody likes an abandoned secret military research facility. They're creepy.
Behavior-modification technology is not easily researched.
Secret research facilities don't have websites.
'Who're you gonna call?' cannot be used ever again.
As if it isn't enough to have been chipped and ensouled, one is ignored when the chip misfires during another crisis.
Just because evil has been incorporeal does not mean it will not take solid form.
Glamour is not 'glamorous.' One involves being able to pass for the creep who murdered your S.O. The other goes along with nice clothes, glitter, and inoffensive perfume.
Government-made restraining devices are unreliable in times of crisis.
Everyone likes to pet a Watcher.
Flower shops are fronts for government conspiracy.
SITs like camping.
S'mores are not traditionally part of a vision quest.
Tea can be a tool of seduction.
First Date:
A Watcher can kick ass with style.
SITS- still annoying. And they keep coming.
Training is very important.
Evil should always check for squeaky shoes.
Explaining behavior modification to a bunch of SITs is more trouble than it's worth.
Being caught in a basement with a shovel near a Seal of Evil is not a situation in which one should be evasive. Especially if one has that 'too good to be true' charm.
Relying on each other affects judgment.
Having a chip is like wearing a muzzle.
Oh look, another expendable resource squandering teenager- er, Slayer in Training.
You cannot fight evil by doing evil.
Dry-erase boards hide a multitude of sins. Or just a lot of weapons.
The best place to keep your collection of shiny knives? Probably not your office in the high school. Who knows when a guidance counselor may walk in and you have to distract her by asking her on a date.
A young, hot principal with earrings is still a principal.
Always dress for the ambiguity.
Dating someone who doesn't remember the Industrial Revolution is a change.
The food court is sticky.
Ice cream is a universal language.
If anyone talks flippantly about tying somebody up in the basement- be wary. And if there is a big evil in town- be paranoid. Don't be random and ask them out for coffee!
Trouble will find you. No matter how thorough the background check.
Sometimes evil asks you out.
When trying to get the most out of your microwave try and ignore evil. It only wants you to run errands. Or you know, kill a bunch of annoying and useless SITS.
Earning redemption for a place on the Slayer's pep squad sounds silly when you think about it.
The only one forced to seek redemption is the nerd.
As long as there is evil, the first lives. And maybe, if you're very naughty, you too can dwell at its side.
A microwave just doesn't measure up as a tool of evil.
A crypt for two with a white picket fence isn't every demon's dream.
Picket fences are dangerous.
Not coming up on Google is suspicious.
Helpful drawings do cross one universal barrier- fear.
Some people think about their social lives at the oddest times. For example: when they are about to fight the original, primal evil.
The 'nicer dark alleys' still have vampires hanging around in them.
Everybody fights the undead nowadays.
When the biggest, baddest, first evil in the world's angry with you- the future includes paying for more than the death of a trusting friend.
Evil doesn't like to be recorded. It may be shy.
If you play the percentages- something's eating your friend's head.
Being a nice guy and a demon magnet-not a good combination.
Ritual sacrifice is not everyone's ideal first date.
One should take this lesson from assorted chaos- there isn't time for fun and games. It's time to get serious.
Sometimes they just aren't ready for you to not be there.
Being given a compliment and not saying 'thank you' is rude.
Seeing incorporeal evil pose as your dead mother is kinda freaky.
Coming up in the world, taking the demons out makes a mother proud.
When someone tells you who murdered your mother it's always polite to thank them.
Get It Done:
When you don't know what to say-try 'thank you.'
There's nothing like the end of the world to bring people together.
It might be more polite to refer to the guy in the oven mitts as 'guestage'.
You can forgive the geek- or not. It's your call.
There's more work than just the 'big board.'
If people complain, kill whoever speaks up and that's pretty much that.
No, the vampire wasn't joking.
Trying to intimidate a centuries old vampire is often a waste of time. Though the rising testosterone does make quite the show.
Be sure to give them the full tour. Don't want to miss a look at the weapons chest.
A Slayer's keepsake bag can indeed smell worse than Grandmother's closet.
The ancient Sumerians did not speak English. They're worse than the French.
The big deal about an emergency bag is usually to be found in the box.
Dead- one SIT- may the celebration commence.
The First Evil likes to quote Winnie the Pooh.
T.T.F.N is Tigger-speak for 'Ta ta for now.'
Digging graves makes a Slayer cranky.
Having the power does not make one a glorified grave digger.
Slayer- bitch by definition.
Evil is unimpressed by SIT boot camp.
Be as scared as you like, just be useful while you're at it.
You want to surprise the enemy, surprise yourselves.
You can't just watch, you have to see.
Every time instructions get cryptic, someone gets hurt.
Origin stories are dangerous.
Find a way.
Exchanges students are not always cute. Some look like Uruk-Hai.
Everyone should have cool throwing knives.
In emergencies- do what you do best.
It's sunny where the First Slayer lives.
Go from 'jack' and squat.' They're helpful.
If you have the magic, use it.
The worst thing that happen is *not* the witch going brunette.
In trying to open a portal, a witch would start from Physics. Principles, basic laws. Such as: conservations of energies.
Magic works off physics, but not without a catalyst.
When deciding on how best to send a demon, go for dead.
When someone's counting on you, don't be stingy with the mojo.
Chances are that if you jump through a portal into a dimension where a couple robed men are sitting around in the desert- you're going to have to get a translator. Or not.
'Last guardian' means 'last guardian.' Dramatics not lost in translation.
They cannot give knowledge, only power.
To get the magics up and running you can work on your best guess- or hold hands and chant 'Kumbaya.'
Just when you're going to put on some tea the portal gets moving.
Never discard a leather duster.
A bunch of tribesmen created the first slayer with a box of shadows that want to make you less human.
The First Slayer didn't talk a lot.
A vampire with a job to do- damn sexy.
One can get a nice coat in New York.
Even if you suck at Latin, simply explain to the mighty forces that you're in charge and tell them to open the portal- immediately.
Sucking the life out of your maybe-sorta-girlfriend is a real damper on the relationship.
Taunting 'Nancy the demon' will get one a proper fight.
One does not come a long way to get knocked up by demon dust.
Being weak does not give one license to violate a girl and turn her into the first killer of demons.
A tussle is good for the soul.
It's always the staff.
Never say 'tell me something I don't know' unless you *really* want to be informed.
After getting the life sucked out of them, one tends to be kind of quiet.
It's important that one knows what their prospective significant other *is.*
Magic isn't 'cool' somehow, it can just hurt.
Being the most powerful person nearby means one can look forward to being used as a battery.
That's just how it works.
Twinkies and kisses also peachy motivational tools.
The odds are overwhelming.
The First Slayer was right 'it isn't enough.'
'From beneath you it devours' means one should listen for the rallying growls of a Turok-Han army.
Storyteller:
Some people should just *not* try and be suave. For everyone's sake.
Pipe smoking is underrated.
Geeky narrators, kinda appealing.
Not everyone likes to be video-taped.
If you save the world it would be kind of nice to have a record of it.
'If we don't save the world then nothing matters' is catchy. As slogans go.
It is kind of strange how a girl can keep saving the world and there's no proof.
It isn't about keeping busy, it's about war.
Leather duster? Still v. sexy.
Sometimes you have to stay home from school to survive. Literally.
Horrible visions are unpleasant. But they make great segues.
Getting out of 'kind of a bad place' can mean playing with your sort-of girlfriend's sleeve during a *really* boring pep talk. Of course, it is the thousandth time everyone has heard it...
You're not late until the bell rings. Keep telling yourself that.
Pay attention to someone going invisible.
Slapping *is* an effective way of proving you know someone is there. And sometimes it makes people smile.
Mirrors are not good judges of looks. Don't listen to them.
Feeling as though you're going to explode is not a good thing. Relax- have a foot rub.
Saying 'something bad is going on' you're living on a Hellmouth is pretty much a given.
After being hit with a rock and ducking two more it occurs to a person that *something* is going on.
Slowly, watched for concussion.
'The way a thing feels it kind of starts being that way for real' is normal weather for the Hellmouth. But it doesn't usually happen all at once.
Hells can bust out all over.
War- not a comical exaggeration.
Being at high school can feel like being at war.
The students feel like the teachers are out to get them....wait, that's not true?
The chess club resents the French club are taking the activities room, and everybody hates the cheerleaders.
If you don't do something you'll have a riot on your hands. And a lot of other nasty stuff too.
You really should have that foot rub.
People will be interested in why you left your fiancée at the altar. Especially your fiancée.
One year later 'I've apologized enough' is what some people have to say.
The Seal of Evil? Doesn't want to stay hidden anymore. It wants to turn the kids into monsters and victims and who knows what.
How to tell a vision from a dream: Running to catch the bus naked- dream. Army of vicious vampire creatures- that's a vision.
Turns out that everyone likes a good goat's tongue- rock books, covens, and Greek cookbooks.
Being evil at some point is no reason not to trust one another.
Going scary and veiny is now defined as 'having a bad patch.'
Evil is what evil does.
It's best to get rid of the Seal, shut it down before it starts affecting everyone.
When disposing of Evil's Seal- talk to the guy that fed it its first drop of blood.
Please keep your distance from the Seal of the First Evil. It may control you. In a bad way.
A pig in the basement is a nice break in a dramatic moment. God, we hope it's not a student.
Awww...the vampire likes to be filmed. Watch the light though. Make sure he looks his best.
A guy doesn't always mean to keep dodging the question.
And here's where we hop on the merry-go-round of rotating knives. I blame you, you blame me, and we both end up cut to shreds.
Just tell her if you still love her.
Spending the day keeping the lid on a war would be very exciting on tape.
A group of kids gathering around an Evil Seal and raising their arms in obviously ritualistic behavior is freakier when aforementioned 'inadequate plug of evil' starts glowing.
Somewhere in Mexico is nicely vague.
Having everyone stare at you is upsetting.
You have to focus on the charm to pull the memories out.
Sometimes the demon summoner is pretty good with demon languages.
Consecrating blood to the oldest evil usually leads to badness.
Having a crush on a dead guy who's being impersonated by a big evil? Not a good thing. Particularly when he wants to know if you got the knife.
Being a man on the run means you don't have pillow creases. You've got a wild desperate thing going.
The vampire and the principal have sexual tension you could cut with a knife. And who spots it? The geek who has a thing for a dead guy.
What a Slayer does is too important to show the world.
Creative narration does not change the past.
Being 'really over' means you can move on.....sure....
Murdering your best friend is a bad thing.
Lies my parents told me:
Going in through the eye socket is unpleasant.
Try to do your plotting in a basement. Think atmosphere.
Revenge is a big theme this spring.
The mission is what matters holds true down the years.
A good wardrobe is appreciated by even your mortal enemy.
Pick up the stake and don't be afraid to use it on a vampire.
Dirty Girls:
If you are a Potential, or anyone looking to avoid nastiness, don't get into a car with a stranger. Even if it's Father What A Waste.
Priests lecturing on 'filth' are creepy.
Slayers are hot. Particularly when they're finding a balance in their lives.
Bodies on the road is a sure sign you've reached Sunnydale.
Graveyard meet-and-greet- never wears out.
Coloring is everything.
Not all the tension is about you.
Being part of a plot to kill a souled vampire makes one unpopular with a certain crowd.
Brunette Slayers are hot. (just a note)
Creepy priests should stop talking.
Just looking for the Lord in the wrong damn places leads you into- well, worse places.
A man can't turn his back on what he comes from.
Black is slimming.
Loneliness comes from real strength.
Organizing the Ray Charles brigade is apparently the work of evil.
Faith- her name alone invokes awe.
Faith- a set of principals or beliefs upon which you're willing to devote your life.
Look at the big picture. (The one with the big war and all the dead little girls).
Vampires can smoke all they want- big C not really an issue.
No more Starbucks for the wanna-bes. Makes them spazz for hours.
Being over dangerous more or less is defined as pulling for the good guys and bullwhips and school girl uniforms.
After a long incarceration a girl thinks about looking up guys with bullwhips.
School girl thing's old hat.
Everything's old hat.
Every guy has some whack fantasy.
If you can't beat them, join them- just don't forget who's on top.
Don't hurt the vampire's boyfriend.
There is nothing so bad it cannot be made better with a story.
A happy ending differs for everyone.