Ianto had never thought of himself as a liability, and so the realization that he hadn't been able to cope with a situation was a disquieting one. It kept him up even later than archive inventory that preoccupied him several nights in succession. When he noticed he'd mislabeled a container of alien pond scum as flatware and only found the mistake by accident he stopped filing and began putting items away before he could make any truly harmful errors.

He was stacking boxes and sliding them into storeroom R on the sixth level when his watch sounded to let him know that it was an hour after he'd meant to go home by. That realization prompted him to hurry up and he took the lift to to the main floor and as stepped out, he had to blink away fatigue. He hadn't been able to hold his own for long in the farmhouse and even in an area where he was comfortable, he was having difficulty. What he needed was a way to be more at ease even when he didn't have any assurances that he was going to be rescued, he had to learn a new skill set, and he knew who could help him in that.

Ianto could have looked for Jack and made his request directly, but he was tired enough that he'd have let innuendo go unchallenged, and Ianto was still weighing the risks to benefits ration of letting Jack know more on his feelings about workplace dalliances. He hadn't been casual about anything in years, and if that was what Jack was proposing, Ianto needed to have his mind ready to deflect casual offers.

He scribbled down what he wanted, less an official request and more a note, because a fair number of documents got chucked in the bin for Ianto to retrieve. It wasn't that Jack got rid of stuff he didn't want to be bothered handling, but he seemed to enjoy having Ianto notice and not let him get away with it. The routine had been going on from the second Ianto signed on at Torchwood 3, and he expected it to continue, for as long as they worked together. Ianto didn't call Jack on his harmless amusements; it was only when he found his boss had forgotten proper conduct that he reminded him. At times Jack's remarks were improbable, but they also seemed more out of place than oddness explained. Where Jack came from and what he'd done that qualified him for a posting at Torchwood was classified. Even in the records he'd hacked, Ianto hadn't found so much as gaps where top secret information had been expunged from the record.

Jack Harkness was in charge of a branch of Torchwood, but that was as much as Ianto could make out as fact. That had never been enough for the rest of the staff, but Ianto had known Jack kept back more answers than anybody else even had, including Torchwood's main branch and that was sufficient.

He'd known Jack worked outside the rulebook, and that understanding had likely saved him from being retconned after the discovery of his attempt to preserve his partially converted girlfriend inside a base dedicated to defending Earth from alien threats. Still, although Torchwood collected alien technology and held onto every scrap, its personnel were a sight less numerous. Jack had a man trained for the job and who he was used to; he didn't need to find someone new. It was far easier to hang onto Ianto, keep him where he could be useful and where he could be watched even closer than usual. It could also be that Ianto was more aware of Jack's attention when there wasn't something he had to hide. All those glimpses of experience and uncompromising evasion were what he'd gotten used to.

Yet, following recent events, he thought that hiding oneself in Torchwood was feasible only so long as one knew how to adapt. Nobody really cared where Jack came from while he was doing his job and bringing in material for Earth's arsenal. His peculiarities were like those of the agency, flash, smile, and much more going on out of sight, which was where he kept himself when he didn't want to be found, and so Ianto scribbled down a reminder for Jack to speak with him the following morning.

Just after he got home, Ianto fell into bed and slept heavily until his alarm bleated at him the next morning. He felt better, approaching refreshed and prepared to deal with the utter unpredictability of his job.

He arrived at the Hub his customary several hours early and began brewing coffee. As the machine finished cycling, he filled the pot and began portioning it out. He placed a mug and saucer on Jack's desk but saw no sign of the other man.

As he pushed the clutter aside to make room, he saw that there was a set of specifications among other papers, and Ianto flipped them around to look at the Torchwood 3 branch letterhead on the paper. He couldn't make out what the plans were for until he stared at it for a few minutes and then it was clearer.

Jack came up out of the hole in the floor of his office, dressed for the day and not surprised or upset to see Ianto looking through his things.

"I didn't know there were so many tunnels underneath Cardiff," Ianto mused. "It makes sense, though."

"Some of these were here when the town was built," Jack said. "People came in afterwards and extended them. They're still the best way to get around. They come in handy when you're chasing something or being chased." He accepted the coffee, took a sip, and smiled.

"Have you ever used them for any other reason?" Ianto asked.

Jack looked at him with a strange set to his mouth. It was hard to make out if he was amused or disapproving so Ianto elaborated.

"I mean, to get someplace other than work." It was very unlike him to ask Jack about his social life. Everyone assumed Jack had one; his stories were colorful and varied, and Ianto had seen marks on occasions when Jack's collar slipped, but nobody actually asked him what he did when he wasn't on duty. Ianto moved to defuse the tension from being so forward with his boss with his next question. "Did you memorize the city planner's schematics?"

Jack stood beside his desk, lids lowered as he breathed in the steam rising from his coffee and Ianto found that looking at Jack was a tease of trying to not offend a predator. Lots of people and animals got defensive if one stared directly at them for too long, and Ianto wondered if he could glance sideways without getting caught at it.

"It was called for," Jack said.

"How, sir?"

"In order to learn the layout of the city," Jack said.

Ianto nodded.

"But, yes, there are times when one can use knowledge for personal reasons," Jack said, and then waited for Ianto to decide whether to show personal curiosity or turn it to work.

Such things hadn't come up at Torchwood 1. Those people who were assigned to the Records Department kept to their archives, and received only a cursory introduction to weaponry. Director Yvonne Harper had been very clear about the hierarchy of staff.

"I don't need help on the firing range, I can get in additional practice on my own, but the hand to hand still isn't my strongest area."

"This is about your bruises," Jack said.

"More how I got them," Ianto corrected.

"What do you want to do?" Jack asked.

"I'd like to have your input."

"In what capacity?" Jack smiled, only slightly more suggestive than what he directed at Ianto every day.

"Into my performance."

"I'm always ready to assist in evaluating the skills of my staff," Jack said pleasantly.

"This would be on my conduct during the recent excursion into the countryside," Ianto said, ignoring Jack's warm look.

"Be specific, Ianto, a lot went on. What exactly are you asking me to evaluate?"

"I feel that I was not able to effectively provide support to the rest of the team during the hostage situation," Ianto said. It was difficult for him to be so frank about his failures, and even more unsettling to know that Jack could tell he was balking at making his request.

"Ianto, you, Toshiko, and Owen were captured by a group of deranged cannibals. There isn't a prep course for that event, not even in Torchwood."

"That's because they assume an agent would be able to easily overcome such a thing," Ianto insisted.

"So this isn't about the fact that you were nearly killed, or that you let the team down, you feel like you, in particular, failed."

"I am a member of this team, sir, and I wasn't able to perform my duties with enough efficiency or foresight to prevent my capture, or that of anyone else."

"There is a line from Monty Python that I could quote, it seems applicable," Jack said.

"Sir?"

"Another time, Ianto. Why is this so upsetting to you?"

"I was trained to anticipate events, to be aware of what possibilities might affect the success of a mission, and instead I was nearly butchered." He felt himself trembling, which was both a reaction to remembering what had happened, and a faltering attempt to hold onto his composure. He could tell that he was being too specific; another sign that he was diverting his energy toward keeping calm, and overcompensating, given the way that Jack stared at him.

"Nobody else was able to take a moment in the middle of that mess to evaluate it and find a way out," Jack said.

"But you did," Ianto said.

"That's different," Jack said.

"How so?" Ianto asked.

"I've been in these situations before, many times."

"You've nearly been carved up by inbred cannibals in the countryside?" Ianto couldn't envision that.

"A universe away from here, in many different guises, yes," Jack said.

"Truly?" Ianto thought Jack could be exaggerating, when the captain wasn't looking at him directly, but then Jack turned his head and his expression was such a good approximation of friendliness that it was jarring. There were times when Ianto felt like Jack was holding back so many unsavory emotions that only by keeping his persona in place could he count on not being too frightening, and he'd let a fraction of that show on purpose.

Jack could be scary; Ianto sometimes even went so far as to consider what experience and operations might have given him the calculated deadliness that he carried himself with. Ianto had imagined a lot of things, but they'd been vague and fairly exaggerated by supposition. This last mission had given him a first-hand look and feel for what Jack might have faced in the past. But his boss wasn't barely coping or fixating on what they hadn't been able to do; he'd gotten them all out, even taken the criminals into custody and given the police several suggestions on where to send the prisoners if the charges didn't stick.

"Some things you can't control, Ianto," Jack said.

"I know that, sir." Ianto didn't need to be lectured; he'd been trained for this, it was just that all of his preparation was failing him recently.

"What makes someone good at this job is knowing as much and being able to adapt well enough to get through almost anything."

"It's just about survival, sir?"

"Our job is to protect the planet from alien threats, Ianto. If you can't even deal with the monsters that are hiding on your own planet, you won't be any match for the rest of the universe."

"I see." Ianto held himself stiffly.

Jack sighed. "You don't, you think I'm belittling you, saying you're not good enough. That's not it. You're not good enough yet."

"Sir?"

"You need experience, Ianto, not reprimands."

Ianto didn't answer.

"Your instincts are good, you've shown initiative in critical situations." Jack stepped in close, paused, letting Ianto see him deliberate his next move and then put his hand on Ianto's shoulder. "You're damned good at your job, Ianto, and if you'll get even better."

"Are you offering to tutor me, sir?"

"I've offered so many times I'd think you'd know as much."

"Just for the job, sir?"

Jack smiled. "If that's all you want, yes."

"Then I'd like that, sir," Ianto said.

"Great. Now, get out of here, you'll need to be rested if you're to report back at 0630 tomorrow."

"Sir?"

"You want my help, Ianto, we'll start by rearranging your schedule. Change is a good way to start."

"Understood." Ianto grabbed his bag and picked up a file folder, which he set back down when Jack shook his head. In the doorway he stopped, looking back.

Jack was motionless, watching Ianto, and he prompted. "Go on, you've got quite a day ahead of you, Ianto Jones. Best get ready."

-end