Title: World Falls Away
Author: scy
Feedback: scynneh@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: Not mine
Fandom: Battlestar Galactica
Pairing: Kara/Leoben
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Up through 'A Road Less Traveled'
Summary: Nobody else will listen.
Author's Notes: silviakundera and the_grynne know the reasons why.
May 2008

The longer the search took, the more Kara felt disconnected. Nothing was the same, even when she tried hard to make it fit, to make herself like she used to be. Food barely filled her stomach, and she'd tossed back two canteens of water, but couldn't keep it down.

Before her command was taken away, she had a chance to find it, but there were distractions that kept pressing on her. Sam put his hands on his hips and told him that she had to rest, but Kara knew that wasn't right. She wasn't seeing it. Her walls were being covered by layers of paint, and the crew's grumbling was a buzzing in her ears that she ignored.

Then it turned sour, and they proved that this wasn't their mission, none of them believed her, and they wouldn't give her what she needed to find the path.

Their prisoner stayed locked in the storage compartment, but Kara took to spending her time there. So long as she stayed out of the way, the others didn't seem to care what she did. Kara was a ghost in her own life, and it didn't matter much to her either.

In the mess hall, after lights out, she scrounged for rations, and paused, looking at the supplies, then grabbed a second helping. It would look bad, her coming to see him without a marine detail, or a clear objective, but Kara's worth was already so low in the eyes of the crew that anything she learned that they could prove would barely make a difference.

Leoben was slumped underneath one of the heating vents, face turned away, but when the door opened he lifted his head.

“They all look at me like I'm one of you,” she said. “They don't trust me or care that we've gone so far off course that I don't even know where to jump next. Not that they'd listen to me.”

“What they can't explain is beyond their capacity to forgive.”

Kara slid down the wall to sit on the floor. “Does that even mean anything?”

Leoben rested his head against the wall. “Everything has meaning, even if you don't fully understand it. You are unique, Kara. Of all those who have come through this struggle, your capacity for growth is unmatched.”

“That's great,” Kara said.

He shook his head. “Don't dismiss truth when it's unsettling. Destiny was never far from you, and now it only has to be fully realized.”

“What do I do until then?” Kara dug into her dish of reheated noodles and shoveled them into her mouth. She wasn't bothering with manners, Leoben had seen her worse, had tried to train her out of it, and whether she was saying something about that or was just too hungry to bother, she hadn't picked up a fork in the mess hall. This didn't have to be about Caprica, but she wouldn't forget that it could be. There was blood smeared over the walls, his blood, from when she had beaten him, and some of it had dried on his face and shirt. Nobody thought to give a Cylon water to wash up with.

Leoben sat up straighter and watched her eat, silently. He didn't complain, not when he was being tortured, or when he was just left locked up for days.

“Are you hungry?” She remembered that he liked food. He didn't need it, not the way humans did, but he had cooked, in that prison he called their home. She might have killed him with the silverware, but she ate what he made every night, and in spite of herself, he'd figured out what she liked best. They didn't have anything of those things on board, not even on Galactica, not when supplies were running low, but they had enough to get by. Still, she knew that none of the others would feed him unless someone other than her gave them a good reason to.

“I could eat,” he said.

“Just answer the question,” Kara said without any real bite in her voice. “Are you hungry?”

“Yes, a little.”

Kara got to her feet, stiff from standing or crouching to try and find the next space that needed to be covered by her paintbrush. She came closer, and Leoben sat still, not trying to get away or moving closer.

She held out the container. “Here.”

“My hands are restrained and you didn't bring a fork,” Leoben said. He wasn't accusing or asking her for anything, but pointing out facts in that reasonable way that she knew had more beneath it.

Kara knew that she could just dump it on the floor, to see if he'd pick it up. He waited, and when she looked up, Leoben was resting on the wall again. He seemed ready for whatever she was going to do, and that was one of the things that made her so angry with him, so she didn't do what she would have last year, or even before she disappeared.

So she reached into the container and held out a handful of noodles. “Come on, they're really bland, but they're okay,” she said when Leoben didn't move.

Slowly, he pushed away from the wall, hunched over a little, and leaned in, head tilted so that he could take a mouthful. He sat back again, and chewed, watching her attentively.

When Leoben had swallowed the first bite, Kara offered him another one, and this time, his lips brushed her fingers as he bit down. He moved away, quick as her thumb on the trigger, and he was waiting for her to say something, or blame him.

Instead, she offered him the canteen, held it so he could drink, and even then it was still awkward. As he craned his neck, some of the water spilled and ran over his chin. “That was good, thank you,” Leoben said and returned to his position.

Kara rubbed her fingers together where he'd touched them. “Do you want any more?”

“No, you go ahead, that was wonderful.”

She rolled her eyes. “Now I know you're talking out of your ass, that's one of the worst things I've ever eaten, and we live on rations.”

Leoben smiled. “I was being polite.”

“Why bother?”

“It never hurts to try.”

“But what if it doesn't go right?” Kara asked, wincing as her legs complained and sitting down in front of him.

“Whatever happens is God's will. It matters that you strive for the most you can achieve, the best, purest part of yourself will emerge,” Leoben said.

“That's what you see in me?”

“Yes.”

“Then why can't I see the way?” Kara asked. “If I'm supposed to be an angel or whatever, why can't I just lead the way to Earth?” She put the container on the ground and spun it around in the inches between them.

“Your vision is clouded,” Leoben said.

“How do I fix that?” Kara asked.

“You can't alone.” He was watching her, waiting for Kara to make a decision.

“So help me see it.”

“Close your eyes,” Leoben said, “look for the colors, and I'll tell you where they go.”

Kara breathed out, and scooted forward until their knees touched, and then she shut her eyes and began reciting the colors that came out of the darkness to be named.

-end